Who put me in charge? And, why?

This motherhood thing fathoms me. I thought that I would have the hang of it after 8.5 months. But, I still feel as if I am a newbie. At times, it is so overwhelming. I am responsible for this new little life. I am suppose to make decisions for this new baby who continuously looks at me with awe and amazement, like I am the best person in the world. I can tell from her looks that she completely trusts me. But, am I trustworthy?


I love my Sweet Pea so much. She means the world to me. My biggest fear is making the wrong decision and ruining her perfect little world. I don't know how she got this way, but she is the happiest little baby. It has become difficult to fight with my husband in front of her. Unfortunately, it is not because we don't want to yell and scream in front of her. Whenever we fight, or I scream at my hubby, my Sweet Pea looks at me and smiles at me like I just I am performing the best comedy scene. Weird, I know. After seeing her beautiful smile, all I can do is smile back and apologize for my bad behavior.


*Clearing throat*...I'm sorry for the tangent... back to the decisionmaking process...


I have came to the conclusion that I am afraid of change. This fear has made me hesitant to change any of the common routines in my Sweet Pea's life. Currently, we have to decide whether or not to take my Sweet Pea out of the home daycare she has been in since she was 2.5 months and put her in a daycare center. I planned on using her as excuse by saying that she would be too afraid because she didn't know anyone at the daycare and that she would miss her normal sitter. But, my child is a social butterfly. When we took her to visit the daycare, she acted like she had been there for months. She played with all the toys, let the teachers hold her, and squealed with excitement. Actually, she was the loudest baby there. She made one of the babies cry, she was so loud (personally, I think that baby should "man up"). The daycare has so much to offer - they sing, read books, go outside, have field days, and art projects.

What to do? What to do?